Is My Husband Cheating: Is My Husband Cheating If He Only Wants to Watch Porn?


 Expert Author Elle Peterson


Is your husband watching porn to the point where it's disturbing your marriage? Are you feeling insecure and highly pained by the idea of him lusting after other, possibly more beautiful women - when you're begging and crying for his love and attention under the very same roof and in the very same bed he's sleeping and possibly fantasizing and having erotic dreams about them in?

Pornography is easily accessible these days - I would even go so far as to say it's almost mainstream. You can buy a girly mag in almost any supermarket, watch porn freely online, or even rent adult movies at the local video store so long as you're 18 and up.

I usually am of the belief that a couple should dictate their own rules and regulations in terms of what is and is not acceptable in their marital bed. However, if your husband watches pornography, this can be a sticky topic. When is he watching too much porn? And when can it get to a point where it can - or does - affect your sex life together?

While it is not immediately conclusive that your husband's pornography habits don't immediately signal cheating, there is something to be said for your lack of comfort in his actions.

If his porn bothers you, examine why. Do you feel sexually compared to or intimidated by the women that he looks like? Do they look nothing like you - which puts you off because it seems as if he's not into you sexually and physically? Are they doing things you would never desire to try out?

After figuring out what bothers you and why, determine how to talk to him about it and see how he responds. Hopefully he's understanding but explains that porn is his way of enjoying himself without you - that it doesn't even begin to reflect what he wants from you. Don't be surprised if he becomes defensive or secretive; porn can make almost anyone feel put off guard because it's such a taboo subject even its users don't openly discuss it.

If he becomes secretive, then allow yourself to cool off and understand that he might be ashamed. Try to put it out your mind, and simply tell him you'd like to see him save some action for you since you're ready and willing when he is. Being saucy about it allows him to feel less edgy.

Again, sexual desires are a private thing, so if anyone should know what pushes against positive or negative boundaries in your marriage, this should be kept between the two of you. I cannot personally dictate what's too much or too little or even acceptable for you and your husband, but I can encourage you to communicate with him about your feelings.

I agree that too much porn can ruin a relationship - especially if your intimacy and sexual experiences become limited and few and far between. However, I would hesitate to say that your husband is cheating on you because of porn. Most people define cheating as a physical or emotional act. In the sense that he's locking himself off to you, then yea, I can see this as a type of cheating - personally, I've dealt with this and it's a painful situation. Most men aren't aware of how their sexual actions with porn can shut us out, but I've rarely seen a guy whose into porn allow it to bring him to another live woman's bed or really desire it. These men usually look at porn as a release... and some use it to actually curb physical desires.

Try to speak with him first and see how he reacts before you drive yourself nuts. If you feel he's unwilling to change, or very defensive, then yes, it's possible that he's really wrapped up in pornographic and/or sexual addiction - but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. If he admits sexual interest in another woman or women, then yes, it's possible there's a link to his porn and his desires to cheat - but not that he IS cheating.